post secret

the last post was from wednesday, I am not sure why they are going up so late but blog-ness from thursday is coming next and then divine secrets of the traveling Gorilla and her side kick are coming later tonight because they day is not over and there is still a pub on our agenda...ciao!

Don't Confuse Your Anni with your Ani!

I love my Italian class.  My teacher is adorable. Si chiami Matilda (her name is Matilda) Today we learned the basics of communicating in Italian. Like where we are from, where we live, the names of the months and weeks (all the important things in life).  Forget about numbers, I am movin' on up! The Italians love their R's and roll them like rrrr (like a tiger...raar...or as my brother does to annoy my sister!) We also learned how to say how old we are.  For instance if you wanted to ask a creepy guy in the bar with braces (true story) how old he is because he looks like he is 5, you might say "Quanti anni hai" and he might respond Ho ventitre anni (23, but don't believe him!).  Ho venti anni (I am twenty years old) However, it is imperative that you recognize there are two N's in the word anni, and when pronouncing it you must hold on to it for dear life or else it could mean something completely different.  The world ani (with one N) means butt hole..so if you let go too soon, you could be asking someone how many butt holes they have? and I am not sure how they would respond ( I know I would answer..Ho uno ani..I have one butt hole) To avoid any problems, just remember anni has two N's. Tonight we met up with our CEA group at a bar called Salamanca for apertivo, or appetizers.  Apertivo is a very popular thing to do in Italy.  People meet up with their friends after work to relax, kick back, have a glass of wine and eat a little snack.  There are many places around town that have this apertivo time and if you buy a drink, they will give you unlimited snacks.  The Gorilla and I went in hopes of being able to fill our appetites with the apertivo so we wouldn't have to cook but unfortunately there were too many people and not enough food.  We ended up going to this delicious Mexican restaurant with four other girls on our program.  We were going to go out after dinner but it was raining and by raining I mean it was pouring and by pouring I mean... I came home and my shoes were filled with water. Shnuggling in my bed has been a much better decision than wearing buckets of water on my feet (wash my feet....wo wo wash my feet) and now I am off to bed. Buonanotte. 

doodles and noodles

the lesbi hippie talked too much so the girl did a drawing. she was thinking about the 9 boxes of girl scout cookies her brother once ordered but some how she ended up with a boy pulling out his eye. scouts honor he said. 

LET US EAT CABBAGE

Another successful day at school.  I am in a book arts class with a former or possibly still active lesbian and feminist.  The class is technically a printmaking and book arts class but it seems as though we are going to be making a lot more books than printmaking which is good because we get to learn how to make 12 different kinds of books (who knew there were so many possibilities) I didn't know this (a little history lesson for the day) but book arts is a rather new form of artistic expression that started after World War II and there is much controversy over the true definition of books arts (go allison for remembering something at 9:30 in the morning...boo yeah!) After book arts the Gorilla and I FINALLY went to the market to get food.  We went to a market down the street that is in a two story building that actually feels like a human refrigerator.  Local farmers have little stands throughout the building and as a bonus it is a lot less expensive than going to the regular pre-packaged grocery store.  Before I tell this story, keep in mind that this is a. the first time that the Gorilla and I have gone to the market and b. we don't speak Italian. Prior to coming to the market we even made a beautiful grocery list of all the things we needed to get in order to seem cool (just like our mommies). Lettuce, tomatoes, bananas, potatoes, coffee, pasta, tuna, and tomato sauce. We stopped at the first station because it looks good (they all look good but we just convince ourselves that this one was the best for lettuce..another station was good for tomatoes and so on..we are to blend in...no stupid Amuuurican behaviors) We look at a couple heads of "green" vegetables that we believe are lettuce. We wanted iceburg because we assumed it would be less expensive.  We this see barrel of beautifully crisp lettuce (and by crisp I mean it was so crisp that it was even a little waxy) We instantly buy two heads of it because it was so beautiful.  When she handed it to us, I felt the texture, and sure enough that beautiful crisp texture that I was ooohing and ahhing over negative two seconds ago...was...well yeah...cabbage!  With two heads of cabbage and the Gorilla and I head to the next station for lettuce (the next station was a success!) So it looks like I am going to have to learn how to make cabbage soup (everyone knows that I am the last person in the world that needs to be eating cabbage soup...cabbage soup has high flatunce factors if you didn't know!) In the afternoon I had my first photography class here and my teacher is also on the lesbian/feminist bandwagon but she is 4ft tall, 50 years old,  with a huge nose ring (not like a simple stud, an actual ring) and ear lopes that hang to her shoulder because she loves Indian jewelry.  On top of being completely insane (but wonderful) she is also still stuck in the 60's, loves fallac symbols and saying "yeah". I am really excited for this class because she digs experimental photography, and so do I.  After class at 7 pm the Gorilla and I made our first dinner: gnocci, spinach, and homemade tomato sauce (and by that I mean they only sell tomato paste so we added our own seasoning...but it is kind of the same and a big deal) It was so good and I felt so proud to make such a delicious Italian cuisine.  We went out with Chatty and Kathy to this bar called BeBop.  On Tuesday nights, they have a Beetles cover band.  My entire program took over the bar plus a surprisingly good mixture of Italian men out on the prowl to reel in their bait. We got there a little late, so we had to sit in the way back of the bar where we couldn't even hear the band but it ended up being a blessing because I think a lot of people were trying to make babies on the dance floor (not really but close to it).  I didn't even know that you could get freaky to the Beetles.  People were bumping and grinding to "I Want To Hold Your Hand"...it was a sight to see. My roommate even ended up dancing on the stage apparently.  We ended up getting our own table in the back and decided that it was way more fun than feeling someone's yellow submarine .  We met a group of Italian boys that were actually quite attractive and they joined us in our booth.  They didn't speak English very well and lord knows that with only one day of Italian class down, knowing how to count to ten created a bit of a cultural barrier. Regardless, we both tried, however the Italians were much better at English. All of the sudden one of the boys started asking us questions about how to say certain things in English and what they meant. For some reason this boy said something like "Do you know how to...?" (the rest of us homosapians could not hear him but the Gorilla has Gorilla ears so obviously she heard him. She replied "Wait did you say chug?" He did not understand but then again the Gorilla knew what she was doing and thought he understood her. The poor Italian guy was so confused and he replied "Chug?" and the Gorilla goes "Yeah Chug!!" She grabs his beer and chugs the whole thing.  She turned to him, empty glass at hand and goes "Do you understand now?" Even more confused and slightly pissed off, he goes "No" and I believe he walked away. (this was the first time I felt bad for an Italian man but it was hilarious!) Tomorrow I am going to ask our Italian teacher how to say chug and then right after class I am going to buy the Gorilla a hearing aide. 

p.s. albanian men like to lick

I forgot to add this in my post from yesterday but my Italian teacher told us a story and I found it really amusing. The girls in my class were complaining about the Italian men and she started explaining that Italian men feel bad if they don't tell you how they truly feel and therefore they have no filter and they have no problem telling you that they love you and your butt (I think she was just covering up for them because she felt bad, they seem to only tell American women, not Italian women).  Then she told us a story that her female students from the summer used come in all the time and tell her that men kept coming up to them.  She was talking really fast and it was difficult to hear her but she proceed to tell us that they were Albanian men and that they started "slick" them...my teacher made this slurping noise and started sticking her tongue out.  What she was trying to tell us is that during the summer when it is hot outside, the American girls wear short sleeves and tank tops and that they would be walking down the street and all of the sudden they would feel something slimy on their back. They would turn around and it would be men who would come up behind them and LICK them on their shoulders as a way to show their affection.  even though I am very cold right now....THANK GOD IT IS NOT SUMMER HERE! 

something nice

something funny

"Nice Tootoo" said the man. "Lasciami in pace!" said the woman

First day of class was a success! Art History at 9:30 with Doby (the character from Harry Potter aka my cute Italian art history teacher) followed by my first Italian class.  Mi chiamo Allison (My name is Allison) My teachers name is Matilda and I can already tell that this is going to be my favorite class. She taught us how to say "get off" and "get away from me, leave me alone" (Lasciami in pace!) so that the 10 girls out of the 12 kids in my class could finally learn how to tell the greasy Italian men to stay away.  Unfortunately tonight when the Gorilla and I attempted to go on another glorious run (however the Gorilla's left barbarian foot started to hurt so instead we took a 2 hour walk wearing our spandex again because it was too cold to wear anything else) we were yelled at on our way home by two men: "I like your tootoo, nice ass, thank god to your mother" but it was too hard to a.  to remember what we had learned in class and b. too hard not to laugh... we just walked off (So Linda J and Jenny I, mad props mad props! but we love you more than they do!) Anyhoo, after I learned the basics in Italian (I can count to ten!), I traveled closer to my apartment for lunch and then went to the other campus that is actually down the street for an afternoon of painting. There are only 3 other students in the class and my professor seems like he is going to be very entertaining and fabulous: gay American artist meets the Italian world, what more could you want.  Class ended and then the 2 hour walk began and then dinner. The Gorilla and I still have not gone to the market or grocery store (so I lied earlier that we were going) but we promise we are going tomorrow. I had my first experience with  real Italain gelato and I may never go to the market because gelato tastes better than anything I am ever going to cook and it only costs 3 euro (but that is 6 dollars if I convert it in US dollars...I could get a whole collider and more for that but AHH I can't think that way...bad Allison) The Gorilla and I were going to go out to this club called Yab (apparently it is the best Monday night "hot spot" with popcorn bowls at the bars (thats why I wanted to go..free food) and break dancers compete!) but we were too cold, tired after our first exciting day of class and 9:30 class in the morning (granted they are not Michigan 8:30's that I am used to...it is still pretty early) Off to bed! Buonanotte!

The Skinny On Being Skinny

I was finally able to sleep in for the first time since I arrived. When I woke up around 11 and looked out my window I knew it was going to be a good day.  It was finally sunny! The reflection of the sun off the Duomo (yeah my neighbor) and the warmth of the sun made me smile.  We met the group for what Italian's call an "American Breakfast" at a chic little hotel called angel. The logo for the restaurant could possibly be used for a strip club however the actual hotel looks nothing like one. The Gorilla and I sat with a group of girls who we hadn't met yet. All I have to say is..small world.  One of the girls is friends with my one and only true Freaky (the original Freaky roommate back in the aa...who lives in the nip) and another one knew Becca Hayes, a girl who went to my high school and she also knew my group of friends from home (brookie b, hueb, emmie..she knew them all) Small small world.  Breakfast was perfect, hot "american" coffee (american coffee = large cup of coffee, italian coffee = black as night espresso), yellow eggs (no egg whites) and french toast (first time in 5 years) After breakfast the Gorilla and I walked around and saw the most spectacular thing in the entire world. No it was not the Ponte Vecchio, no it wasn't the David, it was a dancing Pekacho (from Pokemon) The streets are filled with vendors on Sundays but a lot of them are illegal immigrants trying to sell knock off Gucci, Prada and apparently dancing Pekacho's are a hot seller. I tried to buy one but when he handed me the package, it was definitely a rip off of the one he was showing on the street. I think he tries to get people to buy them and they don't actually work but luckily I was able to tell that a piece of yarn wasn't causing the dancing Pekacho to waddle around, so I took my 2 euro back and continued down the street (I am not that stupid of an American, I just wanted a dancing Pekacho..and I am sure you would all want them too!) I then went on an Art History tour of the city but unfortunately the tour guide was extremely dull and clogged in the nose and therefore I had a difficult time trying to pay attention when there was so much excitement going on in the streets. Sunday is a hoppin' day for the gorgeous Italian families to take a walk through the markets but I did learn a thing or two, so hopefully my Art History teacher tomorrow will be better than Miss Mc Sniffles (the tour guide). The Gorilla and I met up with Chatty, Kathy and my crazy friend Paul from camp and a few other people we have met along the way at "Central Park", which  is only a hop, skip, jump and a walk down the Arno and across the bridge from the Ponte Vecchio. The Gorilla and I wanted to go on a run before we picnic-ed with them, however apparently it is not socially acceptable to wear spandex or perhaps when in Florence just don't run or maybe it was the neon orange zip up jacket I was wearing (it does have a similar resemblance to a traffic cone..who knows) but I have never been more humiliated to run in my life. People were flat out starring at us. A child even turned his head to look! (The Gorilla was worried she had torn a hole in her pants, and I thought my butt was too giggly and thats why there were starring but I assured the Gorilla that she did not have a hole in her pants and she assured me that my but was not to giggly) However, it was too beautiful outside, so we kept running. We ran up and down the Arno, discovered a secret carnival in the park, admired old couples and women in fur coats taking a Sunday stroll. We came to understand, based off the number of people walking along the Arno, that it is far more socially acceptable to stroll, bike or even scooter down the Arno in fur coats and heals than it is to run in spandex. After our glorious run, we met up with the gang but had to head back home rather quickly because it was...guess what..starting to rain...typical! Tonight the Gorilla and I went over to Chatty and Kathy's for a splendid dinner (at this rate, I am never going to have to cook) But of Gorilla's ears fell off tonight and I sat at the dinner table like I was watching a game of tennis..back and forth..back and forth, it was so entertaining! We just got home from the long and our internet is not working so I am writing in a sticky on my Mac and will hopefully get to post it tomorrow. School starts tomorrow and like a two year old(or like a typical Allison Jane Isenberg) I have butterflies in my tummy. Long day tomorrow, must get some rest! Buonanotte!

Welcome Chatty, Kathy and Miles Davis Junior

Well I am sorry that this blog is so delayed but our internet went out while I was writing this beautiful blog two nights ago and now I am re-typing it to let you know about my past two days. Before I go into full detail about my extravagant winey wino day at Castello di Verrazzano, I must introduce you all to three main characters that I have met along my florentine adventures (I like to collect people, draw them, write about them, and imagine they are tiny little creatures) Blog readers meet Chatty and Kathy, twin sisters from Connecticut (two of the nicest people in the world but given their nicknames (that I have given them)...yeah its pretty self explanatory) They love designer clothing, Burberry is god, but they have this nerdy, quarky quality about them that is incredible. The other day I was like "Gorilla why is your ear on the ground?" and she was like "Oh, I just had dinner with Chatty and Kathy!" Tonight my ear fell off. But I just wanted to introduce them to you all because I am sure their names will come up along the way and I wouldn't want any of you to feel out of the loop (if you really want to know there real names, skype will lead you to the answer) Then the last character for this post, Miles Davis Junior (however he does not have a code name, that just is his name) He is not in the same group of friends as Chatty and Kathy, he has never met Chatty and Kathy and to be honest he isn't even of the same species as Chaty and Kathy, rather Miles Davis Junior has a long narrow face, small but dominant vanilla teeth, round black intelligent eyes and finely shaped ears. Miles Davis Junior is an Italian Greyhound. He belongs to the Art Director at my school. The other night Miles (for short) joined us at our 5 course meal and apparently it is more common to bring a dog to dinner than to smoke a cigarette (who knew?...I thought Californian dogs were prima dogas but Italian dogs know how to live it up) Welcome Chatty, Kathy, and Miles Davis Junior to the blog. I am sure there will be more characters that I will introduce along the way and drawings of them are coming soon, so get excited!

Now for my exciting day at Castello di Verrazzano. Just 30 minutes outside Florence, Castello di Verrazzono, is one of the oldest wineries in the Tuscan area. We hopped aboard a coach bus and traveled through the mountains past several castles, acres of pine trees and small dirt roads to get there. Two really unfortunate things about the day: 1. It was extremely rainy 2. It was evident that everyone has really really been enjoying their time here in Firenze, however some have been enjoying their stay a little too much and I am not sure that going wine tasting at 10 in the morning was really an imperative event for them to attend, instead of thinking or learning about wine, some seemed to already be regertiating it on their way to the castle. Luckily the Gorilla and I have learned how to be Italians and not to over indulge ourselves like stupid Americans, we took a little schnooze instead. We got the castle, and my future husband greeted us at the gates (don't worry dad, he was only 40 and not jewish!) He took us on a romantic tour of the winery, explained the different ways they produce their wine and then invited us to stay for a little wine tasting and lunch. *Interesting fact: The original owner of Castello di Verrazzano winery was actually the man who discovered New York in 1485 (imagine that!) And by little lunch I mean another 5 course meal! (which equals what?...oh yeah another 5 hour meal) I am not sure how the Italians stay so thin by eating bread followed by salami, followed by pasta, followed by beans, followed by pork and sausage, followed by dessert (once I figure it out, I am going to bring it back to the states..and make lots of money because I have yet to find a true Italian that is fat) We tasted a wide variety of wines and learned about the "legs" and how to tell the difference between expensive wines, wines with a high alcohol content, wines to eat with meats, wines to eat with cheese, and wines that are strictly for dessert. According to Gino, you should never eat a meal without wine and you should never have wine without a meal (Dad would love Gino's philosophy) To be quite honest, I think my taste buds have been spoiled by Franzia and Arbor Mist, to fully appreciate and recognize the difference between fine wines.  For dessert, we had to dip a biscotti into their famous grapa, aka moonshine. However unlike the different wines, I would be able to distinguish this stuff from a mile away ( you know when something tastes like acid, tastes similar to something that I once smelled in a chemistry lab) They instructed us to never drink grapa and then smoke a cigarette (I would just say you should never drink grapa in general) After the romantic day at the castle, the Gorilla and I came back to our beautiful home for a siesta. For dinner, I ate at this little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant called "Eby's Bar" and for only seven euro I was able to enjoy a delicious chicken burrito and a glass of wine (not going to lie, but the pasta over load has already hit me!) I started to plan out my weekends for the next couple of months and WOWZA there is so much to do in so little time. I did my first load of Italian laundry tonight (yippie skippie) however it is going to take a quarter of a century for my clothes to dry because there are very few apartments in Italy with dryers. A simple clothes line does the trick but unfortunately it has been raining for the past couple of days, so we shall see. I am not too worried because I still have plenty of underwear and that is really all you need. Tomorrow lends itself to another busy day! Free brunch, free art history tour, followed by a not so free grocery shopping adventure. It is getting late the gorilla is snoring like an ogre and I better try to sleep now or else. Ciao!

If The Prime Minister Of Italy Wanted To See Me Naked...He Could

And by that I mean, the Prime Minister of Italy is my neighbor. Yes my neighbor. I can see where he works, his dining room is quite nice and he has orange trees in his front yard.  By the end of the semester, I will get an orange from him.  My other neighbor is the Duomo. Yeah you know...not some hot italian boy...no...THE DUOMO...the cathedral of Florence, the symbol of Florence (is my neighbor!).  Not only is the view unbelievable my apartment wins five stars in my book.  The gorilla and I share a comfortable bed room (the bedroom that looks over the Duomo...did I mention that) The apartment is a very old Italian loft with three bedrooms where (the Freakies aka our other roommates live) Imagine a two story loft with a dining room table that seats 8, a kitchen (in a different room) fully equipped with a coffee pot, pots, pans, and a wide variety of American cups that I believe came from old McDonalds happy meals...keep imagining because it only gets better... take a walk up the spiral staircase to our very own "luogo di partito" (aka the party place) where there is an indoor lounge but within just a few steps stands a glass door that leads to a patio that is bigger than a. my dining room at home b. the chi-o tv room or c. for all others who can't make this connection...just think big and beautiful.  I hope your imagination is now going wild because that is exactly what this apartment is like...wildly amazing.  Minus the people living in my apartment...it is truly spectacular (for more information please contact me via Skype and I shall explain them). Oh and pictures are coming soon!  The past two days have been extremely busy with different orientations for my program and the art school and I have not had a lot of time to explore (but I did finally see the "fake" David today....might I add he has very nice cheeks) At one of the orientations we had a police officer come speak to us about safety, and laws...and yada yada BUT I did learn what the"official" Italian sport was....and you might be thinking futbal...BUT NO...guess again...WOMEN! He was not kidding about that one at all, they are everywhere.  Tonight the Art School took us (40 kids in all) out to dinner at the Uffizi Center for a 5 course meal...and when I mean 5 courses I also mean 5 hours as well.  But it was so nice to finally get to meet other students in the Art School.  We drank wine, ate bruschetta, a little pasta, salami, and ended the meal with the best tarmisu! Delizioso! The Gorilla and I love it here and we can't wait for our visitors and come stay.  Lets just say that the gorilla will never allow me to open the door past a certain hour of the night (because it leads to bad things like pink pasta wine, water bags, war zones and other not so good things...moral of the story, don't walk up five flights of stairs after a night out and expect for good things to happen) The Gorilla and I are trying very hard to learn Italian or speak in some other accent to avoid looking too much like Americans. Tonight the Gorilla told some guy she was from Ethiopia (now I am not sure how good of an idea that was, but the man was from Senegal, so he really liked her..but now that I think about it...it sounded like she was using a Russian mixed with Italian accent..hey we are trying!) I must go to bed now because it is very late and I have wine tasting tomorrow.  I will let you know how it goes! Dad you would love this! Thank you Ji and Ji for letting me live here, the only problem is...I may never return! 

Ciao! 

P.S. Camp Chi connections are incredible. Paul Chodosh lives down the street and Max ("I can't remember his last name") who was on my PNW trip in 8th grade, who I haven't seen since 8th grade just happens to be in all of my classes! 

The Story of the Incredible Suitcase Diet!

South Beach Diet watch out because Allison Isenberg can make you loose 25 pounds in one day! (however, you must be a suitcase!) As of Sunday night my suitcases were each 25 pounds over weight and with in a matter of hours my suitcases were able to shed their extra pounds and they passed the ultimate test of all time (aka. the airport scales). They are now safely (fingers crossed) on their way to Florence.  John Isenberg walked out of the KCI airport with a bag full of feminine products, a pillow and a power cord (they didn't make the cut...auf wiedersehen) I successfully made it on the airplane to Chicago after "big lady hair clip" tried to convince me that my oversized outdoor camping backpack wasn't going to fit in the overhead compartment which resulted in some whopper tears flying out of my eye balls (Becky Poskin I almost had an asthma attack and I don't even have asthma) Once again, I proved the airport wrong (and big lady hair clip) and I walked onto the plane 10 minutes before take off and the bag fit.  Because I have the slightest bit of OCD and anxiety, I decided to come to Chicago only 5 hours before my flight actually leaves for Florence (all I have to say is...it seemed like a good idea at the time when mom and I realized last week that we hadn't booked my flight from Kansas City to Chicago..welcome to the life of an Isenberg!) Now I am enjoying some classic elevator music in the food court with my traveling gorilla (aejo@umich.edu..some call her ada) I have a few butterflies flying in my stomach but I am ready.  Prepare yourself Florence...I am coming! (the picture...true americans)

red yellow and green