The Most Beautiful City In The World.

We were successfully able to take the number 4 four bus from the hostel to the airport and catch the number 5 bus to the train bus station and we were successfully able to make it into Venice. Although I lugged a whole bag filled with tuna cans, pasta, euro juice boxes and oatmeal, the Gorilla and I thought we deserved to eat some human/gorilla food in Venice. (our roommates told us that they had a kitchenette in their trailer but the only thing remotely close to a kitchen appliance was right outside our trailer...the freezing air. We stopped at the first whole in the wall pizza place and chowed down on a large slice of margherita pizza. Vorrei un pizza margherita. I am not quite sure where to even start on my day and I am sorry if things seem out of order or don't make sense. All I have to say is go to Venice during Carnival and you will understand everything. But if you can't make it in January, just go to Venice in general because it will change your life. For those of you unaware of what Carnival is, let me explain. Prior to going, I was informed that it was similar to our version of Mardi Gras and lets just say, no who-ha's were being shown for any beads, and even if they were, they would be insane and their nips would probably break off from the cold. Second of all, it is not nearly as crazy in the sense that everyone is playing the game of blackout or drunk skunk. Rather Carnival is like Halloween meets a masquerade ball and with thousands of people. As my roommate described it "you got the young, you got the old, you got the small, you got the fat, the attractive and the ugly, the masked and the unmasked, the drunk and the not drunk"(even though later she explained that she thinks she was the only drunk one because they decided that in order to stay warm they should play a little game of edward-forty-hands and drink themselves warm...don't worry the Gorilla and I are not insane, we just sipped hot wines, downed a few beers because we are legal and we can!) After pizza and with no plans ahead of us, we were off to explore Venice. First of all, there are no cars in Venice, and I think I saw one or two bikes sporadically riding throughout the city. Second of all Venice is rather confusing because every street looks like the next and at the same time every streets architecture, design and bridge are all different. There is a joke throughout Venice that when asking where you can find San Marco square you should take your left and point in one way and your right hand and point in another. They have million signs through out the city that "apparently" lead you to San Marco square or to the Rialto bridge, but the Gorilla and I found that we were constantly going in circles and it was like one big maize to try to find anything but I didn't hate it. I actually loved that it was so mysterious, it is what made the city so magical. In order to blend in, the Gorilla and I purchased masks, a blue to match my eyes and a red to match the Gorilla's scarf. And in order to stay warm, we treated our frozen little tushies to some hot wine. We finally found San Marco square and there are no words to describe its beauty and splendor. Every five steps people were dressed in the most elaborate costumes and masks and it was as if I had set up my dream photo shoot. My hands went crazy and my camera almost ran out of memory space. The Gorilla and I were getting a little cold so logically we decided the best thing to do was to eat. For some reason we decided that going into an Asian restaurant in Venice was a good idea. I think it was that they were offering free sitting with no service charge (usually if you sit down, you pay a service charge) but 18 euros after we realized that they didn't have a kitchen in the restaurant and that they had served us microwave pasta dishes. Despite the terrible food, it was a rather entertaining dinner. A Swedish family fell for the free service fee trap as well and their daughter was dressed in full flower power costume and by that I mean I think they cleared out the fake flower store because her entire costume was covered in fake flowers. Her head looked like a garden and her face was covered with a metal butterfly mask. From my description you might think this girl is what 5 or 10 years old. Yeah, no. I think she was at least 20 or older. She was a rather large and extremely tall flower giant. Her looks weren't the only funny thing, but rather than taking off her mask to eat, her dad held up one side of her mask while she shoved food under the opening. I almost died. After our not so lean cuisine we headed back out to San Marco square to watch little sperm men with lighting boults rocket power through the air (Men dressed in spandex silver onesies, did flips and splits off a trampoline contraption while fire works and loud music filled the stage. Only in Europe would this be acceptable) I forgot to mention that earlier in the day, they had a performance where they dressed volunteers from the audience in white willy wonka onesies and were instructed to paint a larger than life work of art. After ten minutes of painting, the hosts for the show (imagine the main character from "We Sing in Sillyville" on massive drugs and italian, with her sidekick host who in his past life was for sure a leprechaun, but in his present life was a bald headed 40 year old pot belly man in a velvet green suit) they revealed the grand painting but unfortunately they decided to paint a girl sniffing a blue flower ( I still haven't figure that one out but it was pretty cool) Two freak shows down the Gorilla and I were heading to a bar right near San Marco square when all of the sudden a stampede of 50 drunk college students dressed in zoo creatures ran into the bar, chanting some Italian cheer and downing, what I later learned were called "spritzers". Pigs, Zebras, Octopus heads, monkeys, superhero's and even two diapered babies filled the bar. The Gorilla and I watched through the window like two little children in in front of the toy shop in aw until two boys, one furry Gorilla and one Mask of Zorro were all of the sudden standing outside talking to us. The Furry Gorilla was actually a boy dressed in a Gorilla costume with coconut boobies, just to clarify the two Gorilla's. The Furry Gorilla greeted me with a cheerful hello and then all of the sudden grabs my hand as if he is going to kiss it. Slightly impressed and a little blushing, I smile back at him in hopes that he will actually kiss it but no. No he did not kiss my hand. Do know what he did? HE LICKED IT. HE GRABBED MY LICKED IT and then proceeded to gnaw on it. I mean what did I expect, he was actually a Gorilla, not a prince charming in the least bit. I am not sure if some evil mean girl has placed a "lick me" sign on my back but this is the second time in two weeks that I have been licked. A little weirded out the Gorilla and I proceed to talk to these boys for some odd reason and then head to the bar to test out these "spritzers". We later found out this cluster of farm animals and what-nots were a group of college students from Siena, enjoying their carnival celebrations by doing a pub crawl. We wandered around the city, but were pretty exhausted, so we took the early bus home around 9:30 to guarantee that we would not have to hitch a ride this time around.

posted friday february first two thousand and eight.